Inner conflict. It’s like fighting with yourself while also being the referee. But inner conflict doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact it can be helpful if we recognize its true value — a signal that something is wrong and we need to take action. No one wants to feel trapped in a constant state of frustration.

The worst thing you can do for your health and mental well-being is to ignore what’s happening. Instead face it head on. Even while emotions are raging, you can stop for a moment and say to yourself “I see you. I know what you are.” And that alone starts to tame the uncontrolled nature of the beast.

Getting a handle on inner conflict

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Confession time. In my own long and varied career,  I did indeed see the need to quit a job after just one day. And in one other situation I knew it was time to leave after 3 days. (That one was a temp job, but even so I had to get myself out of there.)

Let me be clear. In most cases I think it’s important to give a new job a chance, even if it feels like less than you expected. But there are times when the alarm bells go off big time as soon as you begin. And those alarms are worth at least listening to.

So what were my alarm bells?

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I know there are a lot of you who feel your job is awful. We’ve pretty much all been there at some point.  But a good number of you have also reached the point of there being no point … at least no point of trying to make it work for you anymore.

Maybe you dream of marching up to your boss’s office and quitting in a blaze of glorious words that make them realize they undervalued a great worker. (One who doesn’t have a job anymore, of course.) Or maybe you just dream of winning the lottery and traveling the world for a few years.

But let’s say none of that happens. So what’s next?

Here’s the point of trying (maybe)

I know we said you’re sick of trying and just don’t have it in you anymore. But there are good reasons to give it one more go. [Read more…]

Don’t worry. This is a safe space. So if you can’t stand working, I’m not going to be sarcastic. Or tell you that you’re the problem and need to grow up … and get serious. But I will tell you that not everyone gets to the right job right away. And for some of us, not until you’ve tried lots of wrong ones. And I say that from personal experience.

Unlike people who find jobs they like right away, I spent many years of my own career life feeling frustrated by jobs that just didn’t fit. And I couldn’t always figure out exactly why. They sounded good on paper. And in my head.  But I just knew that there was no way I wanted to do the job for very long.

Would there ever be work that I truly enjoyed … or at least work I could stand for longer than a year or two? The answer is yes. But it took a lot of jobs and some focused thinking before I started to understand what worked for me — and why I kept aiming myself in the wrong direction.

⇒  Why Do I Always Pick the Wrong Job?

Reasons people can’t stand working

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SM left a comment that says “You cannot survive in a toxic workplace.” She’s so right. And that moved me to write this post. I’ve spoken about the ways a toxic work environment can affect people before, but she brings up some key points I’d like to talk a bit more about.

“I’m about six months into the new job and astonished at how much better I feel mentally and physically. For anyone who was like me and stuck in a horrid job, I hope they read my past and current comments and your articles and realize it’s so much worse to stay at a place that’s hurting you. A new job may not be your dream job, but it’s still so much better when you can get into a better environment with … decent human beings.

My new job isn’t what most would consider a dream job. It’s a large company that has a good reputation, but it’s also a low-totem pole type job and more office work. Even so, I love it!”

A toxic work environment saps your spirit

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Let’s be honest. If you spend a lot of your workday thinking you just don’t care about your job … well, you have plenty of company.. Unfortunately, jobs for the most part are not designed well. Certainly not designed with human-centered roles, chances for positive feedback and advancement, and rewarding interactions built in.

But spending so much of your life engaged in “this sucks” and “what I do is meaningless” thinking has three major problems:

• Your day feels even more awful when you reinforce the bad parts.
• Sitting in “don’t care about your job” mode means you miss opportunities to be creative in actually making your day better.
• Feeling so disconnected eats at your spirit until you actually lose any spark that can help you find solutions — or even a new job. And you may even begin to see yourself as less for accepting “so little”.

And then there’s the interview effect: [Read more…]

As many times as I’ve heard people talk about finding a better job, it’s hard for them to make the leap. Job change is scary. And rarely easy. Most of all, actually leaving a bad job requires an important first step … the determination to do whatever it takes.

And then you need to stick with it until you actually accept an offer you feel good about. No matter how many obstacles rise up to try to stop you. And no matter how many “good” reasons you come up with to justify not leaving a bad job.

But if you are stuck in a lousy job and can’t bring yourself to leave, at least know that you’re not alone. And also know that, even if it takes time, you CAN find a way. Although you may have to be a little creative in building your eventual escape route. And learning to truly believe in yourself — and in your self worth!

NOTE: Please read through to last section. Creative solutions come in many forms. 🙂

Reasons people stay in bad jobs

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Do you ever feel like an outsider at work? If so, you’re not alone. Some people almost always have that feeling — even in jobs they like. And, if we really think about it, many of us have had that feeling other times too. Maybe at home when growing up. Or at school. Or at any number of group events we weren’t part of organizing.

I sure remember those outsider moments. And, as much as we wish it would, adulthood doesn’t magically make those feelings go away. Social groups of all kinds — even online — can trigger old feelings. And make them feel new again. Luckily, there are things that can help.

What makes you feel like an outsider?

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If you’re feeling unhappy at work, the most obvious reason would be that you have a terrible job. And if that’s REALLY the case with no possibility of reprieve, then head right down to the end of this post and find some articles that might help. Or find a new job. Life is too short to be miserable.

BUT … first let me ask you to hang in a bit longer. There may be more going on than you realize. And the good news is, some of this involves things you can change for yourself.

First. let’s look at how we interact with our jobs and the people around us. This is not about blame. It’s about seeing what if anything we might be able to change, without waiting for someone else to change it for us!

If unhappy at work, do you:

• Let annoyances grow and grow in your mind until it’s all you can think of?
• Feel ignored, but never actually ask for what you need?
• Keep to yourself to the point of not having a work support system?
• See better ways things should be done, but never step up to offer solutions?
• Frequently do your work to the bare minimum, thinking it doesn’t really matter?
• Find yourself bored to tears, but never try to change things for yourself?
• Hang out with coworkers to gossip and complain about work?
• Let emotions get the best of you — and who you could really be?
• Feel too small or inconsequential to speak up for yourself?
• Offer suggestions, but when you get shot down, back off?
• Nurse hurts and disappointments for a long time?
• Resent that you are stuck in such a terrible job with so many stupid people?

There might be “happier” news.

This isn’t a comprehensive list by any means. Still, if you can recognize yourself in any one of them, then you may be playing a starring role in why you are so unhappy at work.

But that’s good news, since you’re also the only person you can actually control. If you spend too much of your day thinking about what’s wrong or all things your job is missing, you lose time you might be putting to better use. And putting more of the control into YOUR hands.

For instance, you could look for something to really sink your teeth into and enjoy. Maybe a new skill that’s both fun and useful. Or creating more positive work relationships. Or simply dialing down the hurts and finding some less awful things to focus on for a while. Small shifts in where we aim our brain can bring big results.

Change what you can to start

So, if you’re willing to give it a shot, you can choose to try to shift things around for yourself. Even if it takes a while, you may be able to change just enough to make a real difference in your own workday.

I know this may sound like a small thing when you’re feeling so unhappy at work, but you’ll be amazed how much just taking control of any kind can shift things inside. At the very least, it’s worth a shot!

Unhappy at work? Posts to help:

How Changing Your Attitude Can Change Your Job!

Emotional Triggers in the Workplace

Reasons You’re Thinking of Leaving Your Job

5 Workplace Fears That Limit Your Success

Emotional Boxes: Stuffing Your Feelings at Work

Do You Feel Invisible at Work?

Fed Up With All the Things My Job Doesn’t Have!

Are You Always Feeling Angry At Work?

When Emotions Take Over In the Workplace

My Job Is So Boring. Should I Quit?

Workplace Solutions: The Whole vs The Parts

Why Do I Always Have Bad Luck in Jobs?

⇒  EXTRA:   Dealing With Annoying Coworkers & Bosses

And just in case you do need to leave

⇒  How To Quit a Job (Without Hurting Yourself)

Reasons her job sucks

Dear Ronnie Ann … I just found your website today, and I have to say it’s really helpful to me. I’m not sure I can take this advice completely to heart and turn around my daily situation. But I understand the idea behind it. And even though my job sucks, I know I should at least make an effort to be more positive.

But it’s not easy. My boss is constantly acting on whims and it seems like half the time I’ll be in the middle of something that seemed urgent. Then it’s like, “what happened to this project?” It just floats off into thin air as another urgent whim takes priority, only to be abandoned a week later.

Random seemingly important decisions are made without others’ involvement. And a myriad of other rage-inducing things I could elaborate on, but won’t right now.

And she’s not alone

Point being, it seems that all of us at the company are miserable. I approach requests and interactions with a smile. And I try to up the morale by baking things or bringing in snacks for everyone now and again. Unfortunately this guy’s the CEO so there is honestly no “waiting it out” with this one.

⇒  Why Won’t My Boss Retire Already!

It’s come down to my emotional well-being suffering. And I know I need to leave. But I’ve been sending resumes and interviewing for a year now and haven’t found anything that seems to suit me. And I’m terrified of having another job that appears all happy-go-lucky during the interview, then is like a horrible trap once employed.

Oh how she wishes … but hard to leave

Sometimes I actually daydream about working at a cafe for minimum wage so I could just be free of corporate clutches for awhile. But even full-time at a place like that wouldn’t pay enough for rent. I’m making a decent salary and I’m only a few years out of college with lots of executive-level responsibilities. But having those perks is truly not worth sacrificing happiness and mental health.

Also your statement “You earn respect in each new situation; it’s not due you.” I want to challenge it just a little bit! When I approach people, I generally give them respect unless they give me reason not to. I’ve encountered this whole “work your way up” “prove yourself” type mentality in the workplace and it makes me feel horrible. It’s like, “trust me, and if you thought I was competent enough to do a good job and hired me, continue that attitude after the fact.”

That’s just my two cents though!

~ Stuck and Sad

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My response to Stuck and Sad:

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this situation. But thank you for your GREAT comment on earning respect. You are so right … that’s the way it should be. [Read more…]