SM left a comment that says “You cannot survive in a toxic workplace.” She’s so right. And that moved me to write this post. I’ve spoken about the ways a toxic work environment can affect people before, but she brings up some key points I’d like to talk a bit more about.

“I’m about six months into the new job and astonished at how much better I feel mentally and physically. For anyone who was like me and stuck in a horrid job, I hope they read my past and current comments and your articles and realize it’s so much worse to stay at a place that’s hurting you. A new job may not be your dream job, but it’s still so much better when you can get into a better environment with … decent human beings.

My new job isn’t what most would consider a dream job. It’s a large company that has a good reputation, but it’s also a low-totem pole type job and more office work. Even so, I love it!”

A toxic work environment saps your spirit

Even if the work you do is something you enjoy generally, when your work environment is toxic day by day you feel yourself slipping into just getting through that day. And now you’re mostly in survival mode.

As time goes on, you begin to feel numb to the reality. And you can lose your ability to stand up for yourself or even care enough about things you once cared about.

More importantly, you begin to forget your own power and abilities. Or at least doubt them. And the idea of moving elsewhere to a better job is accompanied by thoughts like:

• Good jobs are hard to find.
• No one will hire me.
• What can I really offer a new job?
• All jobs have problems.
• What if the next job is worse?
• I just don’t have the energy to look.

When a job belittles or minimizes or even makes you doubt your ability to do things you know you do well, over time you lose the desire to try to make things better elsewhere. And you continue to look for ways to make where you are work better for you. Or just accept things as they are … toxicity and all.

While your first choice should always be to see if you can make a job work, if the people and managerial methods are toxic and nothing is being done to help, then you need to muster whatever energy you can to get yourself to a job where you will feel appreciated … and thrive as your full capable self.

What is a better job?

You may not want to consider a job that pays less or seems less impressive on paper. But consider the cost to your health and well-being … and what you bring home from the job as a result. A better job is one that is better for you.

SM says she loves her new job despite surface appearances. In the end that is worth more than money or any negative judgments from people you know. Or maybe even judgments coming from yourself at first.

And remember, sometimes just getting yourself to a job that is not eating away at you because of a toxic work environment is enough for the moment. You can recover in a safe environment. And rebuild your confidence and spirit. And then if you like you can move on.

Or maybe you can take the new better “temporary” job and slowly apply techniques that get you even more of what you enjoy and feel good about right where you are. I call this self-help technique job morphing.

I wish you strength to do what’s needed. And the patience with yourself to allow time to get there. Above all, remember you are capable of finding better … and you deserve it. Every part of your life will thank you.

More posts to help

How Changing Your Attitude Can Change Your Job!

Workplace Solutions: The Whole vs The Parts

How To Change Your Job Without Quitting

Trapped In a Job You Can’t Stand?

7 Reasons We Stay In Bad Jobs

What To Do If Your Job Makes You Miserable

Do You Feel You’re Not Appreciated at Work?

Why Do I Always Pick the Wrong Job?

How To Deal With a Bully Boss

Is “Toxic Culture” an Eye of the Beholder Thing?

I’m Getting Demoted. Should I Stay?

6 Healthy Things You Can Do At Work (In a Few Minutes)

And just in case you do need to leave

⇒   How To Quit a Job (Without Hurting Yourself)

ALSO:  Check out Work–Life Balance

Need more help?

Career coaching with Ronnie Ann

Let’s be honest. If you spend a lot of your workday thinking you just don’t care about your job … well, you have plenty of company.. Unfortunately, jobs for the most part are not designed well. Certainly not designed with human-centered roles, chances for positive feedback and advancement, and rewarding interactions built in.

But spending so much of your life engaged in “this sucks” and “what I do is meaningless” thinking has three major problems:

• Your day feels even more awful when you reinforce the bad parts.
• Sitting in “don’t care about your job” mode means you miss opportunities to be creative in actually making your day better.
• Feeling so disconnected eats at your spirit until you actually lose any spark that can help you find solutions — or even a new job. And you may even begin to see yourself as less for accepting “so little”.

And then there’s the interview effect: [Read more…]

As many times as I’ve heard people talk about finding a better job, it’s hard for them to make the leap. Job change is scary. And rarely easy. Most of all, actually leaving a bad job requires an important first step … the determination to do whatever it takes.

And then you need to stick with it until you actually accept an offer you feel good about. No matter how many obstacles rise up to try to stop you. And no matter how many “good” reasons you come up with to justify not leaving a bad job.

But if you are stuck in a lousy job and can’t bring yourself to leave, at least know that you’re not alone. And also know that, even if it takes time, you CAN find a way. Although you may have to be a little creative in building your eventual escape route. And learning to truly believe in yourself — and in your self worth!

NOTE: Please read through to last section. Creative solutions come in many forms. 🙂

Reasons people stay in bad jobs

[Read more…]

Do you ever feel like an outsider at work? If so, you’re not alone. Some people almost always have that feeling — even in jobs they like. And, if we really think about it, many of us have had that feeling other times too. Maybe at home when growing up. Or at school. Or at any number of group events we weren’t part of organizing.

I sure remember those outsider moments. And, as much as we wish it would, adulthood doesn’t magically make those feelings go away. Social groups of all kinds — even online — can trigger old feelings. And make them feel new again. Luckily, there are things that can help.

What makes you feel like an outsider?

[Read more…]

If you’re feeling unhappy at work, the most obvious reason would be that you have a terrible job. And if that’s REALLY the case with no possibility of reprieve, then head right down to the end of this post and find some articles that might help. Or find a new job. Life is too short to be miserable.

BUT … first let me ask you to hang in a bit longer. There may be more going on than you realize. And the good news is, some of this involves things you can change for yourself.

First. let’s look at how we interact with our jobs and the people around us. This is not about blame. It’s about seeing what if anything we might be able to change, without waiting for someone else to change it for us!

If unhappy at work, do you:

• Let annoyances grow and grow in your mind until it’s all you can think of?
• Feel ignored, but never actually ask for what you need?
• Keep to yourself to the point of not having a work support system?
• See better ways things should be done, but never step up to offer solutions?
• Frequently do your work to the bare minimum, thinking it doesn’t really matter?
• Find yourself bored to tears, but never try to change things for yourself?
• Hang out with coworkers to gossip and complain about work?
• Let emotions get the best of you — and who you could really be?
• Feel too small or inconsequential to speak up for yourself?
• Offer suggestions, but when you get shot down, back off?
• Nurse hurts and disappointments for a long time?
• Resent that you are stuck in such a terrible job with so many stupid people?

There might be “happier” news.

This isn’t a comprehensive list by any means. Still, if you can recognize yourself in any one of them, then you may be playing a starring role in why you are so unhappy at work.

But that’s good news, since you’re also the only person you can actually control. If you spend too much of your day thinking about what’s wrong or all things your job is missing, you lose time you might be putting to better use. And putting more of the control into YOUR hands.

For instance, you could look for something to really sink your teeth into and enjoy. Maybe a new skill that’s both fun and useful. Or creating more positive work relationships. Or simply dialing down the hurts and finding some less awful things to focus on for a while. Small shifts in where we aim our brain can bring big results.

Change what you can to start

So, if you’re willing to give it a shot, you can choose to try to shift things around for yourself. Even if it takes a while, you may be able to change just enough to make a real difference in your own workday.

I know this may sound like a small thing when you’re feeling so unhappy at work, but you’ll be amazed how much just taking control of any kind can shift things inside. At the very least, it’s worth a shot!

Unhappy at work? Posts to help:

How Changing Your Attitude Can Change Your Job!

Emotional Triggers in the Workplace

Reasons You’re Thinking of Leaving Your Job

5 Workplace Fears That Limit Your Success

Emotional Boxes: Stuffing Your Feelings at Work

Do You Feel Invisible at Work?

Fed Up With All the Things My Job Doesn’t Have!

Are You Always Feeling Angry At Work?

When Emotions Take Over In the Workplace

My Job Is So Boring. Should I Quit?

Workplace Solutions: The Whole vs The Parts

Why Do I Always Have Bad Luck in Jobs?

⇒  EXTRA:   Dealing With Annoying Coworkers & Bosses

And just in case you do need to leave

⇒  How To Quit a Job (Without Hurting Yourself)

Reasons her job sucks

Dear Ronnie Ann … I just found your website today, and I have to say it’s really helpful to me. I’m not sure I can take this advice completely to heart and turn around my daily situation. But I understand the idea behind it. And even though my job sucks, I know I should at least make an effort to be more positive.

But it’s not easy. My boss is constantly acting on whims and it seems like half the time I’ll be in the middle of something that seemed urgent. Then it’s like, “what happened to this project?” It just floats off into thin air as another urgent whim takes priority, only to be abandoned a week later.

Random seemingly important decisions are made without others’ involvement. And a myriad of other rage-inducing things I could elaborate on, but won’t right now.

And she’s not alone

Point being, it seems that all of us at the company are miserable. I approach requests and interactions with a smile. And I try to up the morale by baking things or bringing in snacks for everyone now and again. Unfortunately this guy’s the CEO so there is honestly no “waiting it out” with this one.

⇒  Why Won’t My Boss Retire Already!

It’s come down to my emotional well-being suffering. And I know I need to leave. But I’ve been sending resumes and interviewing for a year now and haven’t found anything that seems to suit me. And I’m terrified of having another job that appears all happy-go-lucky during the interview, then is like a horrible trap once employed.

Oh how she wishes … but hard to leave

Sometimes I actually daydream about working at a cafe for minimum wage so I could just be free of corporate clutches for awhile. But even full-time at a place like that wouldn’t pay enough for rent. I’m making a decent salary and I’m only a few years out of college with lots of executive-level responsibilities. But having those perks is truly not worth sacrificing happiness and mental health.

Also your statement “You earn respect in each new situation; it’s not due you.” I want to challenge it just a little bit! When I approach people, I generally give them respect unless they give me reason not to. I’ve encountered this whole “work your way up” “prove yourself” type mentality in the workplace and it makes me feel horrible. It’s like, “trust me, and if you thought I was competent enough to do a good job and hired me, continue that attitude after the fact.”

That’s just my two cents though!

~ Stuck and Sad

***

My response to Stuck and Sad:

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this situation. But thank you for your GREAT comment on earning respect. You are so right … that’s the way it should be. [Read more…]

Work that won’t make you crazy

I had a wonderful email from one of my readers whose boss was driving him crazy at work. He said that he had been looking for a new job for many MANY months with no success. At least not the type of success he thought he was hoping for.

Basically he (let’s call him Jim) started looking because he was miserable with his current job. Especially the way he was being treated by his boss. But other things too. Work was driving him crazy — and he was also bringing the frustration home with him. And that was the final straw.

Is grass actually greener over there?

So Jim decided it was time to look for a new job — a better job. But after a long search with little results other than jobs that looked no better than what he already had, he started thinking about his current job. And whether, just maybe, he could make it work for himself after all. [Read more…]

Wasn’t even thinking of quitting…

I just got a GREAT email from JMatt, a reader who, in the process of writing to me, solved his own problem. In effect, as he was telling me about his situation, the truth popped out right in front of his eyes. He wasn’t even thinking of quitting … but there it was!

Here is part of what he wrote me:

“I work constantly. I mean every single day of the year I am on call. Even when I’m on vacation I need to keep my phone with me in case of emergency. I am consumed almost every waking moment with work related issues and it is driving me nuts. My personal life feels like it’s a shambles, and my health is deteriorating..

Wow. In typing this I think I just came to the conclusion that I must quit and find a new job. It is obvious.”

Make time to tune into yourself

I love this! Whether you are a boss like JMatt or an employee like most of the rest of us, so often what we actually need is to be able to really hear ourselves. Especially if you’re thinking of quitting. [Read more…]

Trapped in job & feeling sad

I got a great comment from one of my readers, N.W. She was responding to another comment from Stuck and Sad who feels trapped by a job she hates and a boss who drives her crazy. A tough combo to deal with!

I thought N.W.’s words about her own situation hit the mark. So with her permission, I’m sharing her heartfelt advice to Stuck and Sad:

Dear Stuck and Sad,

I was in your shoes exactly. In addition to flitting from issue to issue and being unable to stick to an agenda, I’m sure my boss (the owner of the company) had some real psychological issues. It got so I never knew who would show up.

She could be overly nice one day, then raging and irrational the next. I was there for years, in a management position with good pay. And most of the time I felt “stuck and sad” like you.

Maternity leave shines a light!

[Read more…]

Ah. The absolutely mediocre job. Gives you time to think. On that note, I just found this wonderfully inspirational thought on a box of Celestial Seasonings tea of all places (Cranberry Apple Zinger in case you’re curious):

“It is a wretched taste to be gratified with mediocrity when the excellent lies before us.” British writer and scholar Isaac D’Israeli

Great thought. Are YOU just going through the motions? Maybe you find yourself doing only the bare minimum to get yourself through the day. Day after boring day.

How a mediocre job feels

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, mediocre is defined in this way:

“common, fair, indifferent, medium, middling, ordinary, passable, run-of-the-mill, run-of-the-mine (or run-of-mine), second-class, second-rate, so-so”

As for a mediocre job, for me it’s one that doesn’t inspire — or worse yet feels downright painful as we slog through each uninspiring the day. But for many reasons we learn to cope. And maybe even make peace with it for ourselves.

Sadly, when you spend work day after work day “gratified with mediocrity,” you almost forget that something else — something better — lies waiting for you out there. And this just gets more “normal” as years pass by.

Can you get unstuck?

Yes. Even if it’s been years of going through the motions, you can get unstuck. At any moment, you can simply decide to shake things up. And YOU need to take steps to make it happen for yourself.

Where to start? By daring to believe there’s something more out there. And you deserve more! As overly-simplified as this may sound, if you can’t imagine it, you can’t make it happen.

So start slowly … gently … by thinking beyond the mediocre, oh so average job that is grinding your life and spirit to a halt. Just imagining the maybe can start the change inside, where it counts.

You forget work can feel energized

[Read more…]

Do you ever feel invisible at work? Maybe more than just sometimes? I think many of us have felt that way at some point of our career. But if you have a job where you feel that way now and it’s starting to get to you, keep reading.

There’s a wonderful song called Mr. Cellophane in the show Chicago. Maybe you can relate to what he’s saying:

“Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda Been My Name
Mister Cellophane
‘Cause You Can Look Right Through Me
Walk Right By Me
And Never Know I’m There…”

Why do we feel invisible at work?

[Read more…]

Why do so many of us stay in bad jobs, long after the job’s expiration date? Sometimes it simply takes a while for us to realize it’s a bad job. Especially if you’re new to the work world. Or you’re hoping the job offers more pros than cons in time.

But sometimes there are other things going on inside of us. Fear plays a big role. And the way we see ourselves in general. So let’s take a look at some of the things stopping us from leaving — and what we can do to help ourselves move on.

Reasons we stay in bad jobs:

[Read more…]