Dealing With Inner Conflict at Work

Inner conflict. It’s like fighting with yourself while also being the referee. But inner conflict doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact it can be helpful if we recognize its true value — a signal that something is wrong and we need to take action. No one wants to feel trapped in a constant state of frustration.

The worst thing you can do for your health and mental well-being is to ignore what’s happening. Instead face it head on. Even while emotions are raging, you can stop for a moment and say to yourself “I see you. I know what you are.” And that alone starts to tame the uncontrolled nature of the beast.

Getting a handle on inner conflict

Whether you choose to act or to simply stand back from what’s happening and give yourself time to process your choices, you’re shifting the picture by giving it a name. And by realizing that you are now making choices from a feeling of newfound power. Even if for now you’re choosing to bide your time.

Simply by recognizing that the feelings of inner conflict exist this puts you into a part of your brain that isn’t pure “danger danger danger.” (The lizard brain.) And you are deciding they have validity / purpose for you, whatever you wind up doing. Knowing you have the power to choose — even if choosing to wait for now — begins to put you in charge. There is always choice even if after due consideration the choice is to stay put.

But if you keep feeling the urgency inside of you day after day, then you are being told loud and clear by your inner voice that you should start planning something to help you resolve the conflict. And to get yourself to a place where things feel more comfortable. And psychologically healthier!

About our brains at work

Whoever we are, we bring ourselves to the work environment. This is a fairly obvious point, but I think sometimes we need to be reminded. And it’s good to remember that some of what we are feeling at work is about what we are going through on the inside at any given time, apart from any specific work issues. So that needs to be considered too.

When we are going through tough times, it’s easy to focus a lot of the blame on work. Although in some ways it may feel good to do so, it doesn’t get us anywhere; and it may, in the end, cause us to miss some golden opportunities. It’s better instead to try to be aware of ourselves enough to recognize when inner turmoil needs to be dealt with apart from the job.

But the truth is that human beings are not always rational or logical. Sometimes we set up conflicting mental messages that leave us feeling trapped and helpless. And yet we keep doing the same exact thing, expecting change. Hoping for it.

There’s a saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. And that’s exactly what many folks do, while blaming it all on the job.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Sometimes it really is the job or the people you work with. And in no way do I mean to leave out that possibility. But it can also help to see where we might make changes in how we approach things. And this pays off even if you end up leaving, since wherever you go, there you are!

An inner conflict story

All this reminds me of a former co-worker who feels utterly overwhelmed by his work situation. After many personnel changes and organizational disappointments, part of him says he just doesn’t care anymore about the place or what it’s supposed to be accomplishing.

So he keeps himself removed from the day-to-day planning that could make the place better for everyone and help him feel more connected. By keeping himself out of everything, he misses out on the good feelings that come from being part of a mission. And he refuses to do anything different or even consider a shift in perspective.

By saying he doesn’t care about the mission, he has made himself into an outsider while still remaining there. And he continues to swear he just doesn’t care. Yet other times, he’ll talk about how frustrated he is because he wants to be able to give the customers first-rate support, but feels thwarted by the incompetent people in his office.

So on one hand, he says he doesn’t care about the place, and on the other hand he cares so much it is upsetting him deeply to be giving less than the best service. And that is inner conflict in action. But he refuses to even look at what he might do to change things for himself. Or the place. And so he stays there feeling trapped. And depressed.

Should you stay or should you go?

You’re the only person who can truly answer that for yourself — although others will offer their opinions. I’m a big believer in first doing what you can to make your current job work for you if at all possible. And some of the following links will bring you to articles that I hope can help:

How Changing Your Attitude Can Change Your Job!

Emotional Triggers in the Workplace

5 Workplace Fears That Limit Your Success

 

But if you do wind up deciding to end your misery by moving on. please take the time to really think about what would make the next situation work better for you. And look for those jobs / workplaces that offer you the best match for your needs. More articles that can help with this too:

Are You Tired of Being Judged By Your Job?

Career Change Fear: How To Move Past the Fear

What If You Never Find Your Dream Job?

 

Niche Careers: Creating a Career Niche for Yourself

What Makes a Job Good?

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