“You are daring to imagine a different life!” Thus Birdie (Jean Stapleton) comforts Kathleen (Meg Ryan), who decides to close her store in You’ve Got Mail.

Whether you like the film or not (okay … it’s one of my faves), the words offer a powerful message. One of the things that keep us from change … moving on to new things … is fear. I recently wrote about that particular aspect of career change:

⇒  Career Change Fear: How To Move Past the Fear

⇒  What Is Career Change?

But now I’d like to take it to the next level … what career change might feel like for you. And how to prepare yourself for what lies ahead.

Moving toward a different life

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If you’re looking for some words to motivate yourself, retired CEO Doug Conant has some great ones that can help motivate anyone. Words he clearly lives by.

I was reading an interview Conant, former CEO of Campbell Soup, once gave to my alumni magazine. After working at Kraft, General Mills and Nabisco, he took on the enormous challenge of shaking things up at Campbell, which was declining in both stature and performance. Conant helped turn the company around.

Even though Campbell had household-name products, when Doug arrived sales had plateaued, and there was no exciting vision to bring the company into the future – or even the present. (You can just imagine how the employees felt!)

But with his help, there was that and much more. It’s an impressive story about the difference truly good leadership skills can make to a company’s success. And it’s a story I think any of us can learn from.

And now we get to his advice

In the interview, Doug was asked what career advice he’d offer recent graduates just starting out. But I think this is great advice for anyone who works for a living, at any point in our careers. [Read more…]

I think everyone has had first-hand experience with fear of failure, at one point in their life or another. Lord knows I face it every time I sit down with a blank page.  But there’s a less obvious fear that’s even scarier and more potentially damaging to your career — it’s the fear of success.

I once took a Learning Annex class led by a psychic healer.  Although I was skeptical about it, I was also curious. So I went. I wanted to ask about my tendinitis, which at the time was quite severe. Severe enough that I had to limit my writing, as well as some computer-related things I did for my job.

What the psychic said to me

Putting my skepticism aside, when I got my chance for a personal consultation, the healer looked at me and said “You have a fear of success.” I smiled politely, clearly still not a believer. And then I said something about also having a fear of failure. [Read more…]

Do you let failures stop you — or even slow you down? You’re definitely not alone. So many times we let something we failed at keep us from trying again. Or even thinking along the same lines.

Someone I’ll call Theresa thinks of herself as a failure. Yet to me she’s successful in so many ways – career and otherwise. She lives her life based on her own thoughtful and caring values. During her career, she’s worked on issues she cares deeply about. And she always gives of herself as fully as possible. Especially when it comes to helping others.

Pictures we hold in our heads

As I said, Theresa has a very different picture of herself. Because of all the things she hasn’t accomplished in her career. All those things that she feels she could have done better. And all the times she stopped when maybe she “should” have gone on. Because of all that as well as talents she has that she feels she hasn’t fully utilized, she sees herself, at least on some level, as a failure. [Read more…]

Hardly anyone finds their dream job on day one of his or her career. Often it takes many jobs to get to where we really want to go — that oh so elusive goal of happiness at work. Not every job feels like it fits. In fact, some jobs don’t feel like they could ever fit anyone we know! But that doesn’t mean we aren’t getting something from a non-dream job – in addition to a paycheck, of course.

On that thought, I once wrote about Fatima the Spinner on another blog. Fatima spent many years railing against the seemingly heartless universe for all the disasters she had to face and all the different non-dream jobs she had to learn how to do. And she learned them well. But where was HER dream career?

Sounds like a great story for Work To The Wise! 🙂

My quest for the elusive

What I wrote in that other post:

“My life has been like Fatima’s in many ways. She goes from land to land and job to job (in essence) always wondering why she must move on, why she hasn’t found the one place she truly belongs yet. Each time she learns a new skill, but always something happens that causes her to move on. [Read more…]

Wondering how you can put emotional intelligence to work for you? It’s  a phrase we hear thrown around a lot. But what is it? And why should we care?

I first heard the term emotional intelligence linked to work in a coaching class. The teacher assigned us Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Quite honestly, I thought it sounded like so many other “I have the answer for you” type books – none of which ever seem to really have THE answer.

Emotional intelligence at work?

It seemed like an oxymoron to me – especially considering the workplaces I had seen! What exactly did the academic-sounding phrase emotional intelligence have to do with the very real world of work?

But as I began reading, I realized Goleman was talking about mostly common sense ideas — something we need a lot more of at work. Basically, emotional intelligence is about understanding our emotions (and emotions of those around us). And learning to manage the way we handle them, in the workplace as well as in the rest of our lives.

Why emotional intelligence matters [Read more…]

“Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Don’t give advice. Don’t take advice.” Plus, a dash of accidental success. Along with her usual funny take on life, those words are part of what Ellen Degeneres once told Tulane graduates in a commencement address.

And it’s just as inspirational now as then. And maybe even more needed.

Of course, Ellen proceeds to give the graduates her own unique melange of career advice. And she lets us in on some of the things she went through to get where she is. Not an easy journey. Nor one without twists, turns, and obstacles.

Ellen’s accidental success story

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When I was young, women in business were often told if they want to get ahead they need to act like men. Is this still true? Was it ever true? And what the heck does “acting like a man” really mean?

First of all, I think we all need to be ourselves more than ever. But business can be slow to catch up with the real world. So, as a result, they help perpetuate a model of an unreal world that actually doesn’t serve anyone well — least of all business. IMHO.

“Pleasantly aggressive” Eye of beholder?

As I was finishing grad school many moons ago, I interviewed with an SVP of a major bank. He called me “pleasantly aggressive.” And they made me an offer that I accepted. I remember that vividly because much of the time that’s worked pretty well for me.

Although, when pushed up against a wall, I’ve also found that strong direct confrontation with no sign of give, while leaving room for the person to emerge with their dignity, works well too. My way of taming a wild horse — but still giving it ample room to run free.

Is this manlike or womanlike?

Well, I did it without checking or judging myself, so I guess it’s what a woman does. At least THIS woman. Funny how stereotypes get created. And how reluctant we can be to confront them — even pleasantly.

These “pleasantly aggressive” words came from an older man who had been in business a long time, but also had his own view of the world. And so his own filters were at work. Maybe someone else would have seen me as too docile. Or even too brash. Even now.

I think it’s not about whether we act like men, but the energy you put out. Rather than getting stuck in what we’re not getting or how we’re being dumped on, instead a firm internal commitment to / focus on where we need to go. And a strong belief in our own ability to get there. Also good to remember, regardless of your gender, people will label.

But no matter what labels people apply to us. I’ve found they can also fade away as we move forward. Especially if we don’t give the labels — or the people who need to use them — greater strength by buying in. And if we surround ourselves with supportive people who help us see who we really are.

Games mother never taught you

Also at the time I was about to graduate, I had just read a book called Games Mother Never Taught You. (Now out of print, I believe.) It talked a lot about the way men were socialized differently from women. And the whole sports mentality where people could play well with teammates they wouldn’t necessarily want to hang with. Thankfully this has changed a lot — but maybe not enough yet.

Also, the author emphasized something called “huddling”, the social aspects of water-cooler relationships men were better at, at least at that time. She reminded us that women thought working hard would get them ahead, but men knew that wasn’t where they would make their real career moves. And so one way women could act like men was to learn the trick of building strong business relationships.

Promotion and business success

for anyone, male or female,

is not just about things we get done.

It’s about the relationships / connections we make.

A few more thoughts

I never forgot that book. And I used those tips and many more to get myself to places I wanted to go. Did I occasionally get offered less than I found out a man made? Yup. Did I sit and worry about it or did I move forward and map out plans for how I’d make that better for myself? I’ll let you guess.

But I will tell you, every instance became a good lesson as to how to negotiate the next time. Not that I would act like a man. Or a woman. But as myself, a person who learned along the way who I am. My strengths. My weaknesses. And the things I knew I could make happen. All things I learned to not only accept but like.

So do women need to act like men in today’s world? Well I’m betting how you act depends on where you live and maybe the industry. But things have changed dramatically since the time I first entered business. And I think being yourself — with a realistic awareness of who you’re dealing with — can go a long way to help.

Would LOVE your thoughts on this topic!

⇒  EXTRA:  Want To Career Coach Yourself? How To Get You Started

More posts you may find helpful

Afraid To Take Promotion You Were Offered?

Why Are You So Afraid To Ask for a Raise?

How I Negotiated a Four-Day Work Week

Approval Seeking: Who Are You Really Trying To Impress?

Career Goals: Put Small Steps to Work on Big Goals!

The Non-Linear Path to Happiness at Work

What Makes a Job Good?

Start Building Networking Connections That Last!

Job Morphing: 20 Ways You Can Improve Your Job and Career

Why Are Receptionists So Undervalued (and Underpaid)?

10 Two-Letter Words To Motivate Yourself

What To Do If Your Boss Takes You For Granted

If you’re reading this, odds are you have one of those jobs with no future. Or perhaps you know someone who feels like their job has no future. Unfortunately there are far too many of us that feel that way — and way too many jobs that really do cut off professional growth for their employees.

So what can you do if you’re trapped in what feels like a no-win job situation? Well, first let’s take a deeper look at what’s really going on.

Why no promotion or raises?

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Lately I’ve been thinking about just how much of our lives we spend trying to impress someone else — even if we don’t admit it to ourselves. Trying to impress your boss. Your family. Friends. Even total strangers on social media.

So where are YOU in this picture? Is getting the approval of others enough to satisfy your core needs? And if your answer is “yes”, how long do you think that will feel ok? When does approval seeking get in the way of you finding out who you really are?

We begin by trying to impress parents

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