Change is hard. Really really hard. I am dealing with something in my own life that helps me remember how hard it is for most of you. For job seekers. For people in jobs they are just trying to survive. And for those who want their jobs to be much more than just survival, but how to they make that happen?
It’s easy for me to sit here and write articles telling you how to change. And how great change is. And that’s what the articles on Work To The Wise are about. But almost every other line should also be addressing the giant elephant in the room: change IS hard. And for many people touches upon terrifying at times!
What makes change so hard?
With all the daydreaming that goes on imagining a better job or career — or just a better life in general — you’d think that alone would be enough incentive to get us to make the next step … taking real action that gets us to the change.
But for most of us it’s not enough. Taking that next step raises all kinds of fears and doubts. And so waiting until another day to even try is a very natural thing to do. We know what we have. But we don’t know what else we might get ourselves into.
So exactly when does change start to get so hard? As soon as you start imagining all you’re going to need to do to get to the glorious daydream picture. And suddenly it feels like climbing a mountain… without the help of that elephant.
Getting yourself to someplace new is all about the unknown.
And the unknown is scary. At times just plain unimaginable. And so it is often easier to just freeze frame where you are and delay things for when any attempts at change will feel easier.
But for the majority of people the longer you delay, the less easy it will feel. And, as time passes, sometimes year after year, that dream of something better weakens. And starts to fade.
Preparing your mind for change
If the thought of change raises feelings of resistance and fear, then these are powerful walls that keep you from venturing out enough to attract new opportunities. And even keep you from seeing possibilities right in front of you.
You start to forget what good could even feel like. Or have trouble believing that even if it’s out there, YOU would be able to find it … or make it work for you.
What’s being reinforced again and again is days of unhappiness and feeling powerless. And feeling like a failure who can’t make good things happen for yourself.
Even if you don’t say that out loud, somewhere inside there’s a change-stopping belief. And that is not a belief or mindset that opens you up enough to make good change happen for yourself.
You need to decide to prepare your mind to even begin the process of trying. While for some that may come quicker than for others, we can all do it. And we can all get ourselves to something that at least creates the beginning of positive change. Even if it takes a few tries to really get there.
Change is hard but worth it
Responding to a post about bosses who don’t respect you, a reader added this short but says it all comment:
“So glad I read this article. My ex boss was a toxic control freak that ruined my mental health. I’ve moved on and found happiness. Hopefully more people read this!”
She can’t make it happen for you. But she’s telling you that it can happen. And for her it made all the difference.
I included this because I want you to really get that the only change in mindset you truly need to make is to tell yourself this:
“I can do it. I may not know how, but at least I can begin today.”
And then do it. Any small step — even researching an interest. Browse the internet for ideas. Learn new skills. Network for new contacts. Join an organization related to your interests. Try things out in your spare time.
And maybe even take on some small projects you’re good at — including hobbies — to remind yourself just how capable you are. And what good feels like!
Posts to help make change less hard
Is Job Search Fear Stopping You From Even Looking?
Put Small Steps to Work on Change!
5 Workplace Fears That Limit Your Success
Career Change Fear: How To Move Past the Fear
I Don’t Meet Job Requirements. Should I Still Try?
15 Job Search Tips To Help You Get a Job
Help! I Want to Return to My Previous Career
So Many Mistakes! How Do I Start My Career Over?
What’s Stopping You from Leaving a Bad Job?
12 Key Qualities You Should Look For In a Job
10 Two-Letter Words To Motivate Yourself
What Are Transferable Skills?
Resume Employment Gaps? How To Get That Job!
⇒ EXTRA: Want To Career Coach Yourself? How To Get You Started
For more help:
Job Search & Interview Resource Center
Really valuable article Ronnie Ann. There are LOTS of well-intended articles that sell change from the “just do it” perspective. Sometimes, we just have to do it, but mostly that is rare. Depending on our personal tendencies and experiences, change is a long process and is as you say, Hard.
One of the key points you make in the article that can’t be overstated is that behind every thought in our decision-making process are beliefs! They are the organizing principle that drive our thoughts, feelings and actions.
One of the most important things we can do is to identify the (often) many beliefs regarding change and take at look at the roots that belief has in our experience. Many beliefs are simply stories we have been taught that become our world view. Unless we unearth these beliefs, they will run the show and influence what we choose.
Thanks for a thought-provoking piece!
Great expansion of the conversation, Louise. Thank you so much!
This point you made is especially critical to the thinking that frames our decisions and reactions: “Many beliefs are simply stories we have been taught that become our world view. Unless we unearth these beliefs, they will run the show and influence what we choose.” If we can just remind ourselves of this before letting our thoughts limit us or stop us completely from taking action, we can help ease the transition to real change.
I’m glad I saw this article. I’m the person that wrote on a few other articles’ comments here since 2015 about my very toxic workplace and abusive boss. I was (and still sometimes am) naive and thought it could get better. Finally, I just got an offer from a company and for a job that checks most of my ‘want’ boxes for a new employer. I’m terrified since my self-confidence is near gone due to staying far too many years in a toxic place, but though I’m scared, it feels good to know I’m moving on in a couple of weeks. Ronnie Ann’s advice has been beyond helpful over the years. This article was timed perfectly since I was looking for anything online to stomp out my dread and anxiety of going to a brand new employer who is much larger than I’ve ever been at with a job in a new field.
I know change is and will be uncomfortable, but it’s more unsettling to keep staying at an employer that is literally making you sick, mentally and physically.
Big smile. Thanks for writing and for the kind words. I remember you well, SM. In fact, you were one of the people I had in mind when I wrote this. I wish you all the best in your new job. Congratulations on taking the chance and making it happen. Yes, it is scary. Most likely there will be blips. But I have every faith in you. And in the growing new sense of yourself when you are not under the thumb of a toxic boss.
Feel free to write if you need a little extra confidence boost. Or just want to share. Good luck!!!
Update: I’m about six months into the new job and astonished at how much better I feel mentally and physically. For anyone who was like me and stuck in a horrid job, I hope they read my past and current comments and your articles and realize it’s so much worse to stay at a place that’s hurting you. A new job may not be your dream job, but it’s still so much better when you can get into a better environment with people who are decent human beings.
My new job isn’t what most would consider a dream job. It’s a large company that has a good reputation, but it’s also a low-totem pole type job and more office work. Even so, I love it! It’s so nice to go to work with people greeting you with “Good morning!” instead of a scowl and a huff. So many self-help books tell you to stop letting your emotions and environment change your mood, but that only works for so long. You cannot survive in a toxic workplace and think it won’t or shouldn’t affect you. It will and it does. Getting out, at least in my experience, has been like a face-lift for my life. I’m no longer angry constantly, no longer snap at my spouse daily, and I even curse less! I hope all of your readers find better opportunities to get out of the bad jobs. It’s not easy and sometimes it takes a long time, even years to realize your last straw. But it can happen. People deserve better than toxicity at work.
Thank you so much for this, SM. You said it better than I could. “It’s not easy and sometimes it takes a long time, even years to realize your last straw. But it can happen. People deserve better than toxicity at work.” A job that looks oh so good on paper and maybe sounds more exciting when you tell people what you do is a bad job if it makes you feel bad. It’s that simple.
I was hoping things have been going well for you after all you’ve endured. And I’m proud of you for daring to believe you deserve better (you all do!!) and for having the courage to make the change. I wish you the best in all things, SM. And I hope your words have helped at least one more person dare to make the change they deserve!