5 Things I Learned About Fear of Success

I think everyone has had first-hand experience with fear of failure, at one point in their life or another. Lord knows I face it every time I sit down with a blank page.  But there’s a less obvious fear that’s even scarier and more potentially damaging to your career — it’s the fear of success.

I once took a Learning Annex class led by a psychic healer.  Although I was skeptical about it, I was also curious. So I went. I wanted to ask about my tendinitis, which at the time was quite severe. Severe enough that I had to limit my writing, as well as some computer-related things I did for my job.

What the psychic said to me

Putting my skepticism aside, when I got my chance for a personal consultation, the healer looked at me and said “You have a fear of success.” I smiled politely, clearly still not a believer. And then I said something about also having a fear of failure.

Interestingly, he shook his head and said with conviction that my fear of success is much stronger. And it’s the main thing holding me back from what I need to accomplish. I have to admit this caught me off guard. Kind of mind-blowing. Could he be right?

So I took some time afterward to think about what he said and go back over my life. Times when I was at a jumping-off point and pulled back. Times when I was given an opportunity to do something really big and talked myself out of it.

Turns out there were quite a few of those. This really opened my eyes to the role I was playing in creating life limits for myself. But, in my own defense, your honor, I’ve also taken many leaps of faith throughout my life that turned out well worth the risk. Like deciding to do this newfangled thing almost 15 years ago called blogging!

One of my fear of success stories

A few years ago, I was contacted by the head of a company about the possibility of writing articles for them. Similar to what I do now. But there was also potential to be part of an expansive distribution network.Meaning I would get read by — and hopefully help — many more people.

After a little research, I found that this company was legit and had a good reputation. And, of course, I was flattered. It’s great to be wanted — and to have my writing complimented. To be honest, I pretty much had a Sally Field “You like me” moment there.

And for a few days, I let myself dream. And feel the excitement. It was wonderful to contemplate this new path for myself. I was enjoying getting lost in the possibilities — and other doors this might open.

And then something happened

Instead of just savoring the moment and moving along step by step to let things progress organically (my favorite way), I started thinking about what could happen if things went really well.

And suddenly, I began to worry about what it would really mean for my life. Would the new demands of me be ones I’d enjoy? How would my life change?  Could I handle all this? Did I even want to?

All valid questions. But in truth, what really happened, I think, is I got scared of what success might mean. And I started thinking about everything. What I was committing to. And how well did I even know the company or the person who contacted me?

And … boom! I was no longer in the moment. Instead, I was looking at all the potential negatives and letting myself get caught up in them. It’s funny how big our mind can make something once we zero in on it. Well, maybe not so funny after all.

Don’t ever do this … really

And it was at that opportune moment I decided ths would be a good time to email the person and let him know some things I think would help his company?” That’s right., I wanted to tell this successful businessman who I had just met how to improve his business. One I hardly knew anything about. After he had offered me an opportunity.

Now mind you … he was totally open to me sharing my ideas and asked me to do so. But I knew enough to understand you don’t dump every negative on someone you hardly know. And when I look back at the know-it-all tone of my original email and what I said to him … well, I am sure there was something else going on there for me.

After all, as part of my consulting work, I often advise clients on how to approach things — even the stickiest of situations. There have been many times when I’ve helped clients reword yet-unsent emails written in a hasty moment of anger or frustration.

And I assure you I have never ever told even one of my clients to seize the moment and dash off an email whose tone is fairly critical to a potential partner. Never. And I can also assure you, while my contact remained cordial and business-like, I could tell by his own tone I had crossed a line.

What I learned about fear of success

• It’s darn easy to undermine your own success.
• Exciting dreams can be really really scary.
• We can rationalize anything to protect ourselves.
• You can find a dozen things wrong with something if you want to.
• Even if we aren’t aware. deep fears can rise up to try to stop us.
  

ONE MORE LESSON:  Email is forever and tone matters. OK. This one I already knew. But it was indelibly reinforced in my head as I reread my original email. Did I really say THAT? Yes … I did.

What to do with your fear

Well, short of major psychotherapy (does anyone have a spare couch?), I think the best thing to do is to be bluntly honest with yourself. Writing about it is a good start. Try to recover as best you can. And, if not, just move on having learned a valuable lesson.

We all have our moments of fear.

It’s how we handle them that matters.

If at all possible, I think it’s important to find a way to push through and experience some of that not-so-scary-after-all success as soon as you can. Once you’ve gone there, and the new neural pathways have been created, it’s probably easier to push through the resistance next time. Or so I hope.

Have you ever had an experience like this? Do you fear success at some level? Of course this also raises the whole meaty question of just what the heck success is. Thoughts welcome.

Much more than transferring to a similar job in a new company or industry, or moving laterally into a different work function within a field we already know well, a true change of direction is always terrifying.

from Working Identity by Herminia Ibarra

About the author…

Ronnie Ann, founder of Work To the Wise and Work Coach Cafe, bases her real-world advice on her many years as an organizational consultant where she helped interview and hire people, added to a certificate from NYU in Career Planning & Development, as well as her many adventures as a serial job seeker.

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