Trapped in job & feeling sad
I got a great comment from one of my readers, N.W. She was responding to another comment from Stuck and Sad who feels trapped by a job she hates and a boss who drives her crazy. A tough combo to deal with!
I thought N.W.’s words about her own situation hit the mark. So with her permission, I’m sharing her heartfelt advice to Stuck and Sad:
Dear Stuck and Sad,
I was in your shoes exactly. In addition to flitting from issue to issue and being unable to stick to an agenda, I’m sure my boss (the owner of the company) had some real psychological issues. It got so I never knew who would show up.
She could be overly nice one day, then raging and irrational the next. I was there for years, in a management position with good pay. And most of the time I felt “stuck and sad” like you.
Maternity leave shines a light!
But then, one day I had an opportunity to get out in the most positive light possible: maternity leave. I took this time to really think about myself and my life. And I decided that even if I had to tough it out for a few months, I’d quit my job and try to find something else.
I’m still looking for the right full-time job, while doing some freelance work. But I’m a much happier person than I ever was in my old, stress-inducing position. I learned from first-hand experience that money does not buy happiness.
Much better to find a way to move on if you possibly can, and get away from being “stuck and sad” all the time. Life is too short.
~ N.W.
Now I’m not saying if you’re trapped in a job you hate, you should all run out and get pregnant. Especially the men. 🙂 But there are real words of wisdom there.
Where to start if feeling trapped
Sometimes we need a little perspective to clearly see what we want for ourselves — and that there may be other ways to get there. My basic feeling is to do whatever you can to help improve things for yourself, where you are.
So here are some posts to help with that:
Real Problem (Maybe) If Your Job Feels Wrong
How Changing Your Attitude Can Change Your Job!
Workplace Solutions: The Whole vs The Parts
How To Change Your Job Without Quitting
7 Reasons We Stay In Bad Jobs
When Emotions Take Over In the Workplace
What To Do If Your Job Makes You Miserable
Do You Feel You’re Not Appreciated at Work?
5 Questions To Ask Yourself If You Hate Your Job
How To Deal With a Bully Boss
Why It’s So Easy To Get Mad at Your Boss
What To Do If Your Boss Takes You For Granted
But what if nothing helps…
…and it’s eating at your spirit. And maybe beginning to affect your health. Then it’s probably time to think about getting out as soon as you possibly can!
⇒ How To Quit a Job (Without Hurting Yourself)
And by the way … times of change like this are a great opportunity to do some soul-searching and try not to recreate the same situation for yourself in the next job. Your crappy boss and job may wind up being the best thing that ever happened to you if it gives you the kick you need to go find something you really love!
⇒ Why Do I Always Pick the Wrong Job?
I wish you all luck finding that. And thanks D.W. for sharing your own story and advice. Don’t I have the smartest readers?
***
In case you’re curious, here’s the post where D.W. offered Stuck and Sad her thoughts:
My Job Sucks and Now I’m Stuck!
About the author…
Ronnie Ann, founder of Work To the Wise and Work Coach Cafe, bases her real-world advice on her many years as an organizational consultant where she helped interview and hire people, added to a certificate from NYU in Career Planning & Development, as well as her many adventures as a serial job seeker.
Oh LL..I’m SOOO happy to read of your decision (feels good, doesn’t it?) and that my words were helpful. Sometimes making the decision that your heart truly wants you to make is the hardest part. After that, paths open up you never imagined. 🙂
I’ve learned in my non-linear life that there is always a way. You may have to shift around your idea of what you do for a living (at least for a while), but if you give your all to whatever job you land in and treat it with the same respect as a job in your field, you’ll find it may lead you places all on its own. Or at least give you a safe haven until you’re ready to make your real career move.
I’m sure it will feel good to be surrounded by family and friends -and a younger gay community that is welcoming and not fathering! 😉
Just remember it took me a few years after I returned to figure out a way to get to the kind of work I really wanted to do, but in the meantime I did my best and continued networking. hopefully you’ll get there even sooner. But if not…it will feel great just to be back home in a place you love with people who love and support you. Isn’t that the lesson Dorothy learned???
Best of luck, LL! So glad this blog could be of help. PLEASE keep us informed, OK?
“There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” 🙂
Ronnie Ann
Hi Ronnie Ann,
Thanks for your timely response and your advice. I was thinking about taking temp work and moving back, as I would have a place to stay for a period of time. It’s good to hear that this isn’t a drastic solution and that it has worked out for the best for you. That really helps me get some relief that this may be an option.
I did try to meet people here and develop networks here in city X, but it is a much older and smaller gay crowd, its a different attitude here, and we don’t have much in common, so it didn’t work out to well, and I just lost contact with these people over the past year.
I’ll take your advice in leaving off the education section of the resume and see if this works when applying to jobs that I may be “overqualified” for. It’s certainly worth a shot.
My other solution is going back to school to get my doctorate, which would be back in city Y, but I’m not sure I really want to, but this wouldn’t be till next year, if this job hunt is still unsuccessful in the next 6 months. This does give me a sense of comfort, as I know there’s an option to do this.
Thanks again for your response, I was having a panic-filled anxious day the other day, and when I read your response, it really calmed my nerves. I am going to read up some more materials on your site, and make this week, the beginning of the end of getting out of here and back to where I want to be.
LL
One other thought LL… just make sure that you’ve given city X a fair chance and looked for a vibrant social life there. I was in your shoes and left after 2 years, but others I know stayed and wound up creating great new lives for themselves. When we’re lonely for home and family, we sometimes over-emphasize how good it was in city Y and how bad it is in city X. Just make sure you’ve given it your all. OK?
And you can definitely find yourself full-time work in city Y if you take time to figure out what it is you have to sell potential employers (skills can be repackaged to match other jobs) and believe in yourself. Then figure out what interview skills you need to brush up on and how to make your resume the best it can be.
Go git ’em tiger!
Ronnie Ann
Hi LL!
My that’s a lot of good questions…and some of the answers are already on my blog. So please feel free to browse some more. Look under networking, interview tips, resumes, cover letters, and maybe even search for “nervous” as a starting place.
I understand all too well what this feels like. If I were your coach (and I’m not looking for new clients, so this is not a solicitation), I’d be happy to work with you on all that, but I hope you understand that I do this as a free service and well…all that would take a book to answer thoroughly! 😉
Your best bet if you really want to get back to city Y is to bite the bullet, ask someone to put you up for a couple of months, make the move, and then take some temp work in city Y while looking for the real job. That’s how I did it when I wanted to move back to my beloved NYC. (And one of the temp jobs even offered me a full-time job, although I wound up getting a better one more in my field through a friend.)
When you get back (and even before), tell everyone you know you’re looking. This is not the time to be shy or proud. And use the networking tips in my posts. I don’t know about city Y, but here in NYC, the gay network is strong and proud and ready to help! Take advantage of those contacts you already have and make it your goal to make new ones fast.
As for your resume…you can always leave off the education section (although you’ll have to be honest on an application) and aim it to match the jobs you’re looking for. Not sure why you can’t find jobs that build on your real assets (even if indirectly, maybe in a non-profit or academia), but I leave that up to you. I know how that can be sometimes. But whatever else you do, make your resume GREAT and let it sell you. Cover letter too. This is key.
LL…you don’t need me to tell you any of this. If you make up your mind and let nothing get in your way, you can do this! So first, ask yourself what you really want in your heart, tell yourself to be open to solutions of all kinds even if you hadn’t thought about them before, and then don’t stop until you get there!
Good luck. Please let us know how it goes.
Ronnie Ann
Hi, I’m not sure where to post this, but was wondering if you can help me out with some tips.
I currently have a job in what I will call city X, and want to move to city Y, all my friends and family are in city Y, and I left city Y two years ago because financially my situation would not let me survive much longer without a full time job. I never wanted to move to city X, but financially I didn’t have a choice. I am a gay male, and I have no social network in city X, nor could I survive here in city X and be gay and be happy and I am completely miserable just being here, and really miss all my friends in city Y and feel like a part of a community and will be happy there.
My field doesn’t have many positions in city Y, and when I do find a position, I never get called back for an interview, even after a follow up to a resume, because I’m assuming that there are hundreds of applications for that position since the market there is limited. I have a Master’s degree in my field, and consider myself pretty sharp.
I currently think my current job is okay, I’m severely underpaid, and am currently become more and more distraught as days go on because I don’t have a social network outside of work. I constantly think about moving back to city Y, and all the good times I had there, and I am becoming frustrated with my current situation to where its affecting my health.
Anyways, thanks for listening to my sob story, lol. I’ll ask a few questions here.
1. How do I apply for positions outside my field that I am “overqualified” for, say for an administrative position that only requires a two year degree, that pays considerable amount of money more than I am making now? I don’t even get the time of day from these people, because they feel I’m overqualified.
2. I did have one interview, don’t interview very well, because I have severe anxiety, and it went okay, and they said they would contact me letting me know either way. That was in mid August and I still haven’t heard anything back, even after I followed up with them?
3. How should you tailor a cover letter for a position where they will train you and require very little qualifications, and only a degree, but you have no experience in that particular field?
4. What is the best way to gain contacts and network within city Y, to gain a network that may lead to a career one day? Applying for a job over the internet seems to garner hundreds of applications, and it seems this may be a problem in even getting an interview.
Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant/sob story, and hope you can answer my questions. I browsed around your site, and want to thank you for putting this site together, as there are some good tips and advice located here, which I will continue to read and use in the future.
Thanks again,
LL