Resistance to Change: Is It Really Worth All the Effort?

First things first. Most people feel resistance to change. Therefore, you are probably resistant to change — at least any change that threatens the status quo. It’s important that you truly understand this idea as well as how it might affect you.

And it helps to know that this resistance is both conscious and unconscious. The mind is very good at not letting you know all its tricks developed essentially to protect you — and that can include avoiding change. Fear of the unknown and all that.

Ah human nature!

One of the most important things we can learn about ourselves is that we work very hard to keep whatever we have acquired — even things that aren’t working very well for us. We are after all human, and for the most part humans like to maintain the status quo, even if it isn’t the best it can be for us.

Why? Because as flawed as some of our habits and behaviors might be, we have accumulated them over many years and they are what we know well. They feed a part of us that sees them as “home” — the comfort of what we are familiar with.  Old friends.

In some ways, we may even feel they are helping to hold us together. Underneath, there may be a fear that if we give up some piece of who we are, the rest might unravel. Or tumble chaotically like pulling a bottom piece out of a Jenga game.

Resistance to change (even when trying)

As mentioned earlier some of the behaviors have evolved to defend us from things we are afraid of, both the known and the unknown. And somewhere deep inside there are mechanisms that keep bringing us back to behaviors that we think worked for us in the past … even if we don’t need them any more.

At first you may be thinking “what a load of crap” since people change all the time. While some people enjoy pushing past the unknown and succeed, many more will act as if they want to change — and even believe it themselves — but they may do things (again maybe unconsciously) that stop or even undo the movement forward. When it comes right down to it, lasting change is extremely difficult.

Over the years we have programmed (conditioned) ourselves deep within to act a certain way. And changing patterns can create strong feelings of conflict and, as a result, discomfort. Humans don’t like discomfort. Thus resistance to change has  another ally. And yet another reason to maybe scurry back to what feels like home.

The discomfort we feel can motivate us to search through our conscious and unconscious minds to figure out what’s different — and then find a way to bring us right back to what we know. This is true even if we make a conscious effort to change things that get in our way of our being happy.

Behaviors that keep us stuck

Part of what keeps us stuck even if unhappy is that we may not recognize our entrenched behaviors that act as anchors to change. For some of us it might be the anger we hold onto from past hurts. So much of the intensity of what arises is not really from a current situation — but it sure feels like it.

There’s also the need to focus on other people and how they are getting in your way. Or just irritating you so much you can’t focus on work and your own life. Or a boss who doesn’t understand or appreciate you and leaves you seething. Energy diverted is energy we aren’t putting into achieving our own praiseworthy accomplishments.

Then there’s simply the need to retreat — stop trying in case you fail. Or maybe the need to run away / quit when things start feeling bad. How many times have you pulled back from trying something new? For some it’s a fear of failing. But for some succeeding is also scary since it’s unknown territory!

Habits we need to resist!

These habits that either shift the blame or remove us completely from discomfort have made us feel better in the past. And so we tend to stick to them like glue.  But we don’t need to. And just understanding that is a wonderful starting point for change.

Just think about it. And if you can, accept the fact that you don’t need to continue with these behaviors and others like them. They have been standing in the way of your feeling better about yourself … and your job. Or the next job whatever that may be.

Even if habits feel comfortable, you don’t need them anymore. One by one (no need to change everything at once) you can practice letting them go and then do so for real. It takes time, so please be patient with yourself. And congratulate yourself at even small steps forward.

I can almost hear some of you saying, “But that’s just who I am. And who are you to tell me to change that!”

You’re right. I have no right to tell you to do anything. That’s up to you. Just be open to the possibility that change at this very core level might be helpful.

Also please know that resistance to change can be overcome, especially if you can envision something better on the other side. And that better is a freedom like no other: the freedom from the imaginary needs we all have but don’t really need.

More posts to help

How Changing Your Attitude Can Change Your Job!

5 Workplace Fears That Limit Your Success

Emotional Boxes: Stuffing Your Feelings at Work

 

When Emotions Take Over In the Workplace

My Job Is Awful. What’s the Point of Trying?

I Can’t Stop Feeling Like a Failure

 

⇒  EXTRA:  Boss Treats You Badly? It’s Not Your Fault!