Zen and the Art of Being a Receptionist

As far as I know, there are no colleges or college majors preparing soon-to-be graduates for hot reception jobs. And yet many of us have held that often under-appreciated and undervalued honor of being a receptionist. I’ve done it — even after I had my MBA — when I was between jobs and needed extra money.

I actually enjoyed it. It’s important work that makes a real difference to almost everyone we come in contact with. And there are many many more similarly important and likewise undervalued jobs.

To paraphrase Rodney Dangerfield, despite the pivotal roles receptionists play in the day-to-day operation of a business, all too often “We get no respect!”

Remember to wash your bowl

Hang in with me. This actually does relate to being a receptionist. A while back, I found this wonderful Zen teaching story (Zen kōan) on Build a Better Buddha:

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So what does that seemingly unrelated Zen kōan have to do with being a receptionist? Do we have to wash bowls to get some respect?

Basically it tells us everything we do is important. There can be much richness in the moment if we perform each task to the best of our ability with openness and joy in our hearts.

We can’t control how others perceive us, but we can choose to focus on bringing our full selves to whatever we do and not worrying about the thoughts of people who have their own issues to deal with.

Have you ever been a receptionist?

Yeah yeah … I see those raised eyebrows and hear you thinking: “Have YOU ever been a receptionist?” “Do you know how rude people can be to us or how many demands we’re expected to balance on some days?” Always on display. No privacy. Little pay. Looked down on by many on the fast track. And you want me to feel JOY about being a receptionist?

Yup. I know all of that. As I said I’ve done it. Of course, I chose to do it as a temp, after I already had my MBA. Besides enjoying the cash flow, I wanted to see companies from a different perspective. I know it’s not the same thing. But my experience helped me better understand the job and what it entails.

And although I suspect no one can feel joy every second of the day (that could be kind of creepy), I remember how different the work felt depending on my own attitude at the time.  Plus, opportunities can arise when you stay alert in the moment and just do the best you can.

The thing that really bugs me…

…is when people look down on receptionists or people in similarly non-fast-track jobs and conclude they aren’t as bright or don’t have lots of valuable talents and skills. As if being in a higher title alone makes you better, smarter or even more interesting.

Hah! Anyone who thinks that might want to take a long hard look in the mirror — and that includes any of us who think that about ourselves.

Again from Build a Better Buddha:

Our highest goal, then, is the true and genuine acceptance of all individuals, despite their diverse and seemingly contrary beliefs, backgrounds and behaviors—a goal which can only be achieved by recognizing, understanding and integrating all aspects of one’s own, ordinary self.

Zen and the Happy Woman

When I lived in San Francisco, I met a lovely man named Alan Sagan, a dear friend who has since passed away. He first introduced me to the idea of Zen Buddhism, not as a religion but more as a way of informing our lives.

When I was unemployed and feeling badly about myself because I wasn’t strong enough yet to go back to my old line of work, Alan told me a story about a woman who worked in a supermarket as a checkout clerk.

She was known for her friendliness and gentle, peaceful temperament. The legend goes that the Buddhist Monks came to see her one day and asked her to come to the mountains to spend time with them and teach. “Why me?” she asked. “I’m nobody special.”  They smiled and explained that she found joy in every day and always had a sincere smile for people in the store.

No matter what else happened to her, she was right there being herself, doing the best she could, appreciating the possibility of each moment, and offering her gift of love to others. And that, they told her, is the real secret to life.

Real or not, the story hits the mark

Now this story may be apocryphal, but the point is, although our society undervalues certain professions, each moment gives us a chance to reach inside and just be who we truly are.

Not worrying about “am I good enough” or “what do others think about me” or “am I a failure” (notice that’s all ego-directed – me me me). Instead just being yourself and knowing you’re fine the way you are … no matter what anyone else thinks of you or has ever thought of you or might think of you tomorrow!

We only have now. And now. And of course now. I know it’s corny, but I like to think of it as thousands of potential new beginnings each day. Thousands of chances to choose to be in the now.

Get out of the past fast!

The woman in Alan’s story wasn’t in the past thinking of all her failures or all the people she let down or what someone said to her even ten minutes ago. She wasn’t in the future worrying whether her life was going in the right direction or what job she’d have 5 years from now. She was here NOW.

And she just did her best each moment, giving to each person she encountered with a pure heart. And she was also open and present to the gifts around her as they unfolded. The aroma of fresh-baked bread. Shared laughter. A beautiful flower. A song she loves. The smile of a child.  And this is why she was happy.

Putting these ideas to work

I can assure you, when I went to business school, this philosophy was NEVER touted as a way of getting ahead in business. Can you imagine Goldman Sachs teaching their investment bankers any of that? Although maybe if they had we wouldn’t be in this financial crisis!

While it’s important to both learn from the past and plan ahead, you can do all that and still act in the present without letting your mind get clouded by emotions and habitual thoughts that aren’t helpful in the moment. If these less-than-helpful thoughts do come along (these are habits we can learn to break), just say hello, acknowledging their presence, and then try to let them pass through without giving them power over you.

Something that helped me years ago (and I hope may be useful to you) was realizing that, as real as these thoughts seem and as overwhelmingly powerful as they can feel, they are still only thoughts. And they are trapped, by the way, in some neural pathway that eventually can be rerouted with perseverance.

You are more powerful than thoughts

No matter how it feels in the moment, your thoughts are NOT more powerful than YOU since you created them. And you have the power to retrain them! (I sometimes still have to remind them of that when they get too rambunctious.)

Be especially alert to thoughts based on old hurts or emotions like anger and jealousy, since these often have their roots in your deep past. And because of that and how long they’ve been part of you, they easily get mixed in with (and intensify) what you’re feeling in the present.

I guarantee you’ll get farther meeting the new moments head on rather than filling them with past hurts and self-doubts (whose presence have yet to help you, I might add) – or stepping outside the moment with thoughts about what people think about each action you take or thing you say or what any of this might mean to your future. Blah blah blah. Those “outside” moments are lost time and, by the way, get in the way of real communication.

Just handle what you can now the best you know how. Try not to look for hurt or issues where they don’t exist. And please remember to be gentle on yourself, considerate of others, and, as much as possible, compassionate about why any of us is acting the way we are! That’s the best anyone can do. 🙂

Bosses be crazy

Case in point: Your boss calls you to her office at 4pm and catches you off guard. She asks you to do a rush project before you leave tonight. You respond that you can’t because of another deadline also due tomorrow. She says “OK” but looks unhappy and uses a certain tone that makes you feel you disappointed her.

So you walk back to your desk thinking about what just happened and you take it personally. You feel bad that you let her down, but you also have this other assignment that’s due. Then the resentment begins to rise. “I didn’t deserve that!” you think to yourself.

And for the next hour or so, your actions and thoughts are colored by what you think your boss is thinking and the hurt and anger you feel rising. But not by anything you know for sure. You have left the now and are miserable. And then the next day you find out your boss’s mood had nothing to do with you.  She was handling a serious personal problem of her own!.

It was never about you

All that wasted time and energy on your part – as well as an unnecessary trip to the emotional baggage storage place. For no good reason at all. If something really is going on, then take the initiative to discuss it in the moment. Let the now (or at least the as-soon-as-possible) be your guide.

Don’t give the maybe so much weight. Don’t let hurt feelings or anger fester. Don’t spend your days focusing on all that went wrong or all you don’t have – nursing your hurts rather than channeling that energy toward something good for you!

Eat your porridge and wash the bowl. With an open heart. Yes … even at work. Don’t get caught up in all kinds of turbulence and unnecessary drama. Do your job. Be kind. Put your energy toward creating new and joyful things in your life, and not toward wallowing in what is old and decaying, or in feeding old hurts.

Or in being so caught up in the future that you miss what is happening right before your eyes. Greet each day with a smile and a sense of wonder. And think about what you can do to make it better for yourself and others. Today. Now.

Oh … and what does any of this have to do with being a receptionist who actually enjoys and feels proud of their job?

Everything. And yet also nothing in the world of zen.

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Note about Buddhism and flow

I am not a practicing Buddhist and barely consider myself knowledgeable about the teachings. But the few things I do know have helped me immensely. Besides the basic principle of being in the “now”, I love the saying “the river flows” – meaning life goes on and whatever is happening today will change in the days to come.

So have patience and learn to flow along also – observing the lessons as they come and changing your course accordingly and as gently as possible. Engaging actively in each moment of your own life and asking questions where necessary, but also learning you have the choice to just let things go and, in any given moment, adjust the attitude and intensity you bring to a situation.