What Makes You Feel Fierce?

I was speaking with a coaching client who was feeling beaten down by recent job experiences. Having lost her last job, she wasn’t sure how to face a new opportunity to fail again, as she saw it.  So I asked her “What makes you feel fierce?”

Fierce? At work? In interviews? Aren’t we supposed to be the opposite of that? After all, if we aren’t likeable, who wants to work with us? Good questions. Likability certainly is a key asset. But that does not mean being a doormat — or walking around feeling like a deflated balloon.

What do I mean by “feel fierce”?

While fierce does have more threatening meanings, the informal meaning I like and now use is this one from the Cambridge Dictionary :

“Looking confident and acting in a way that shows that

you feel good about yourself and your appearance.”

 

Take the “Do You Feel Fierce” quiz

Question one:  A work friend tells you that you’re not invited to her small dinner party. Do you:

1. Put your head down and slink away.
2. Carry the hurt with you.
3. Find ways to get even — fiercely.
4. Whatever her intent may be, just look her in the eyes and wish her a great party – and mean it. You’re not diminished one bit by what someone else says or does.
5. Throw your own dinner party, but not for revenge. Just because it sounds like a great idea. And why should you wait to be invited when you can be the one who takes the lead and invites?

(What would you really do?  Feel free to add your comments / suggestions.)

Question two:  Your boss turns you down for a raise. Should you:

1. Feel insulted that your boss doesn’t value you.
2. Get mad and argue fiercely that you do deserve the raise.
3. Storm out of the room, resenting your boss and job.
4. Look sad, tell your boss you understand, and leave quietly with head and shoulders down.
5. With full continued belief in your value, look your boss in the eyes, smile a little, and ask if there might be a little give since you did ______ (name 2 key major accomplishments you are proud of).
6. If they still say no, ask what you can do to get that raise. And set concrete, measurable goals with them to get yourself there.

(What would you really do?  Feel free to add your comments / suggestions.)

⇒  MORE:  Why Are You So Afraid To Ask for a Raise?

 

Looking at your quiz results

Ok. I could give you more situations, but I hope you get the point. So much about being fierce is what you feel about yourself. And whether you let the situation shift who YOU are and what you feel inside.

When things don’t go our way, it’s easy for our emotions to take over where the brain usually leads.

⇒  MORE:  When Emotions Take Over In the Workplace

So, the last two choices in each example show some ways to get your fierce on — and working for you. The other choices leave you holding on to the past and wallowing in hurt. None of that helps you.

Of course, emotions are real and often triggered by hurts from the past. So in no way am I minimizing what you feel. But the key to personal happiness and success of any kind is how we move forward.

So what makes you feel fierce?

You do. Not only by learning how to recognize when your emotions try to lead, but by looking for situations where it’s easier for you to feel fierce. And that includes the kinds of jobs you go after and opportunities you look to create for yourself.

⇒  MORE:  Why Do I Always Pick the Wrong Job?

So what if you failed? Too often we rush to blame ourselves — and feel shame that we didn’t do better. But all great leaders probably failed at some point. More than once. So what? You learn from it, remember who you really are, and map your next plan.

Even if you fail again, each time you gather pieces of the bigger puzzle. And each time you look to understand yourself and your strengths, building your confidence on the best and letting go of the rest.

Build on the best. Let go of the rest.

 

More articles to help

Changing Your Attitude Can Change Your Job!

How To Change Your Job Without Quitting

Boss Won’t Let Me Transfer To a Different Department

Boss Takes Credit for Everything I Do!

 

How To Deal With a Bully Boss

Workplace Culture:  Putting a New Perspective To Work

Do You Feel You’re Not Appreciated at Work?

 

And just in case you do need to leave

⇒  How To Quit a Job (Without Hurting Yourself)