It’s natural to focus on things that hurt us. Physical problems. People who disappoint us. Things that don’t turn out the way we wanted. But hurtful things that happen at work can be especially hard to let go. And you can’t just walk out the door and leave them behind … not if you want to keep getting paid.
Obviously we do need to keep our eyes on what’s not going right. And fix or as much as possible improve what we can. But what’s also natural is for those wrong things to begin to grow in size — at least in our minds. To the point where all else starts to shrink in importance. And the feeling of being wronged just sits on our shoulders, adding dark color to everything else.
Hurtful Work Things
So what kinds of hurtful things at work can take control of our feelings and in effect run the show … or at least become the background setting that colors all else? Although the list can be endless, here are some hurt-makers that might feel familiar:
- Being passed over for a promotion.
- Not getting a big enough raise — or any raise.
- Having a coworker take credit for your work.
- Being left out of key projects.
- Having your ideas ignored or criticized.
- Being set up by a coworker to look bad.
- Not getting to do anything but menial work.
- Having too large a workload.
- Working overtime often without extra pay.
- Being the butt of office jokes or gossip.
- Getting a bad review without warning.
- Feeling like an outsider despite your best efforts.
When hurt feelings take control
A well-known Civil Rights 60s folk song tells us “keep your eyes on the prize”. But when we let these dark feelings take charge of our workdays, pushing all else into the background, we essentially keep our eyes on the “sighs”. And the grumbles. And the “they done me wrongs”. Meanwhile we lose sight of actual prizes in our lives that could help add back balance.
It’s easy to get stuck in that lopsided vision. Not that we do it on purpose. But as we focus more and more on what’s out of place in our lives, that reconfigured vision gets even better at pulling attention to itself. Even lesser problems you could solve can get back-burnered while this main focus takes control. All too often, feelings grow bigger than the actuality.
And the better things in our lives, both large and small? Potential balancers that get tucked away as we zero in on what’s wrong. Or at least what’s not going the way we envisioned. It’s a mental rebalancing act continuing to feed the newly empowered foreground vision and creating way too much extra and unnecessary suffering as a result.
So what can we do to help?
On a daily basis, our eyes constantly work to balance what they see. This goes for mind’s eyes too. Occasionally we need to stop and adjust the focus. Reminding ourselves we are more than the hurtful things that can overtake our view of things. And re-focusing on the good stuff at work or in your non-work life to add comfort and give strength to tackle the other.
A few tips for re-balancing your focus:
- The first step is always to bring yourself to awareness. Recognize that you’re caught up in the feeling, even if that doesn’t change the reasons for the feeling. If you need to take some deep breaths to help stop the “brain spin”, by all means do so.
- Accept that the feelings may have taken control to the point where you’re losing sight of any of the better things, including your reason for being where you are at this time.
- Make a list of parts of your job you do enjoy. And any of the people you like and / or who have been kind to you. Add things away from the job that bring you warm feelings.
- Now, in a calmer frame of mind, look at that list and then again at what’s bothering you. Try to see it in perspective of all else. How might an objective observer describe it?
- Now make a list of possible solutions, or at least things you to improve the situation for yourself. And that might include talking candidly to your boss or a coworker you respect and trust. Show willingness to adjust / change (even if you feel it’s not about you) and look for any suggestions that might help. You might be surprised what you learn!
- And now, think about any one small step you can take to help add balance to your days. Give it a chance. But also be ready to try something else. You may be surprised how just putting yourself in control of this process can help. Even if you can’t change anyone else, you can feel the power of taking charge of runaway emotions.
ONE MORE IMPORTANT STEP
Remember to take a moment to give yourself permission to have all these feelings in the first place … without criticizing yourself for them. You’re only human and we all have feelings. And don’t forget to also give yourself credit for taking action!
More posts to help
When Emotions Take Over In the Workplace
Emotional Triggers in the Workplace
How To Change Your Job Without Quitting
But Change Is Really Really Hard!
Workplace Solutions: The Whole vs The Parts
Trapped In a Job You Can’t Stand?
7 Reasons We Stay In Bad Jobs
Do You Feel You’re Not Appreciated at Work?
So You’re Not Getting a Raise … Again?
Why Do I Always Pick the Wrong Job?
My Job Sucks and Now I’m Stuck!
Why Are Receptionists So Undervalued (and Underpaid)?
AND IF NEEDED:
How To Quit a Job (Without Hurting Yourself)
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