HR Says I’m Not a Team Player. What’s a Team Player?

If your boss or Human Resources Department (HR) tells you that you’re not a team player, what exactly does that mean? And, if that’s the impression they have of you, can you do anything about it at this point?

Laura came to me right after being told by her HR representative that she isn’t seen as a team player. Since she always got her work in on time and usually received good feedback, she was surprised to hear this.

She was also deeply hurt that people she works with and trusts think this of her. And she was confused by why management is telling this to her now. Were they trying to help her or is there more meaning to the message?

What do they mean by team player?

Although often delivered as if there were only one meaning, telling someone they’re “not a team player” can have different meanings depending on the situation. And the phrase itself may conjure up differing pictures to each person using it.

To be clear, there are many admirable qualities conveyed by the phrase. But also some that not everyone would agree about — or admire. Here are some components of being a team player, at least as a boss or coworker might use it:

• Giving one’s all to the project.
• Supporting fellow team members in their efforts.
• Reliability / ability to collaborate with team members.
• Accepting team decisions over personal preferences.
• Going above and beyond for each project.

But also perhaps (in some workplaces)…

• Never contradicting or questioning the leader.
• Showing enthusiasm & positivity, even when you know something is wrong.
• Never complaining about continual long hours or unrealistically heavy workload.
• Willingness to repeatedly forgo important personal obligations for the team.

How the phrase might be used

So why might someone be told they’re not a team player?  Is it simply helpful advice … or is it a clue that you may need to start looking for  a new job? And how can you tell.

Annual reviews

Well, you can’t always tell what’s going on for sure. But if it comes up in a annual review session, assume it can be either helpful or a warning. In either case…

• Listen carefully.
• Request specific examples so you fully understand.
• Ask for suggestions as to how to improve.
• Also ask for a follow-up meeting in a few months to review (and make sure they’re aware of) all your efforts.
• Keep your attitude open to this being for your benefit — even if underneath there may be a warning involved. How you receive criticism can sometimes make a difference.

⇒  Tips During & After a Poor Performance Review

Being told “not a team player” out of the blue

If they call you in specially to tell you this or mention it publicly in a meeting, then there’s probably more going on. In Laura’s case, it was definitely more than a helpful bit of advice. In fact, they were looking to push her out. But she was so taken aback, she never even asked exactly what they meant.

Though she hadn’t noticed, Laura was getting left out of the loop — as she contentedly completed assignments on her own. She occasionally made an effort to offer suggestions (tell others what they’re doing wrong as they saw it). And she freely pointed out to teammates what the boss should have done better … without ever reaching out to discuss her ideas with him.

While workplace breadcrumbs (clues) aren’t always as easy to recognize in the moment as they are when looking back, one important thing to remember is: individual team members need to make visible efforts to actually be part of the team. And those who seem standoffish or act as if they know it all can develop a reputation for not being a team player.

But, that said, even if you haven’t really done anything “worse” than keep your head down and focus on your work, you can still occasionally get blindsided by a boss or coworker. And if you remain oblivious to the clues, you may find yourself left out of projects … or heading out the door.

You’ll find some “fitting in” tips that may be helpful here:

⇒  Coworker Betrayed Me. Now It’s Hard To Trust.

A few more thoughts

People have their own reasons for how they behave and who they like … or don’t like. And this plays out in organizations on a daily basis. After all, bosses and coworkers are just people. And they’re often unpredictable, even if you try to play by their rules.

In Laura’s situation, being told she’s not a team player was a wake-up clue that they were looking to push her out the door. It began with HR’s message, but soon after she began getting assignments that were less and less important. And she was also finally aware of a coolness from her coworkers and boss.

I’m not sure if she could have turned things around if she addressed it head on when HR clued her in — or even earlier. Always worth a try (while also beginning a just-in-case job search). But she just felt too uncomfortable even facing what she saw as betrayal by people she trusted. Plus she didn’t really want to be there anymore.

Laura wound up deciding she’d rather leave and start fresh. So we worked on finding her a job that felt like a better fit for her. As an introvert, not every job is suited to her preferred style. But we also worked on truly starting fresh … and that includes creating good relationships from the beginning to support her within the new company.

⇒  Build Your Work Relationships Face To Face

More posts to help

Help! My Boss Wants To Get Rid of Me

Tips for Starting an Entry Level Job  (these can help anyone)

How Changing Your Attitude Can Change Your Job!

Job Morphing: 20 Ways You Can Improve Your Job & Career

Playing the Blame Game at Work

Took the Wrong Job? What You Can Do

How Cover-Up Culture Helps Grow a Toxic Workplace

How Do You Handle an Impossible Work Assignment?

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