Over the years, I’ve had many readers write in to say “I feel stupid at work.” And it breaks my heart that a lot more people are probably feeling this way. So I’m writing this to hopefully help anyone in this situation.
You don’t deserve to feel stupid at work or anywhere. Even if you occasionally find yourself doing something that seems stupid — we all do that. And it does not make us stupid. It makes us human. What’s not ok is purposefully making someone feel that way. To me that’s downright ignorant!
What really makes you feel stupid at work?
Some things people have told me over the years:
- I have a boss who yells at me all the time
- My boss actually uses the word “stupid” when he talks to me
- There are things I still don’t understand after a few months on the job
- I never get praise from my boss. I worry he thinks I’m no good at my job
- It feels like my coworkers get better assignments than I do
- My boss watches everything I do and it makes me feel stupid
You’ll notice some of those things are pretty clearly coming from the boss’s mouth — especially calling a person stupid to their face. And yelling is just not ok. Although it’s more common than we would hope.
⇒ When Your Boss Yells At You
⇒ How To Deal With a Bully Boss
But some of the things are about how events around you in the workplace make you feel. I put the word make in italics, because nothing really can make you feel something if at least part of you doesn’t feel it might be true. The feeling itself arises from inside of you. This is a critical point to grasp.
Who is really creating the feelings?
Imagine Albert Einstein or Thomas Edison in your office being treated the way you’re being treated. A less-than-perfect boss might call either of them stupid. And yet they would know it’s not true.
They’d know it’s probably a problem that originates with the boss’s management style. Or inadequate training. Or countless things you didn’t cause. They’d know they aren’t actually stupid inside — even if they actually did something people think are stupid.
But, you might say, I’m no Einstein or Edison. Maybe I really am stupid, and they are seeing it. And I would look you in the eyes and say I bet there are many things you know I don’t know. And many things you can do I can’t do.
A few more thoughts
Look … I’m pretty sure you’re not stupid. We all have lots of wisdom inside of us. Even if there are things you need to learn or change about the way you handle yourself in the workplace. That’s true for any of us!
Ultimately, feeling stupid comes from within. And the best defense is learning to work smarter. And knowing that words and actions reflect on the person saying them far more than the person receiving them.
So look to change what you can.
- Communicate more often with your boss and get clear goals.
- Increase work-related skills where needed.
- Look for mentors / coaches either on the job or elsewhere.
- Offer useful changes based on what you see needs improving.
- Look for office allies. Work together to help come up with new ideas.
- Take classes you care about so that you get a sense of your real value — no matter what anyone says!
And most of all … believe in yourself. You’re not stupid. In fact, you’re smart enough to be reading this and already thinking of ways you can change your job from the inside. Or, if you are really in an abusive situation, you’re smart enough to know it’s probably time to find something better!
⇒ EXTRA: Boss Treats You Badly? It’s Not Your Fault!
More articles to help
Real Problem (Maybe) If Your Job Feels Wrong
Please Help! My Job Is Making Me Crazy
Workplace Blues: Something Needs To Change
Do You Feel You’re Not Appreciated at Work?
When Your Boss Yells At You
My Boss Doesn’t Respect Me No Matter What I Do
Why It’s So Easy To Get Mad at Your Boss
What To Do If Your Boss Takes You For Granted
AND IF YOU NEED IT:
Job Search Resource Center
I recently changed my workplace, and I work in a different country to manager and rest of the team. Its only been 1.5 months, im catching up with the greatest difficulty finding people to guide me through things i dont know… I am suffering a great deal about this and my boss ends up giving me work and requests me to get things done while he does same work from his end… Finally people who anyway respond to me late say that updates are given to my boss… Then finally when its time to report im lost upset and have to be subjected to the humiliating words like *you waste my time* *always blunders* *theres cost associated to the work i do…*
I sometimes feel like its because I am not from their country and since its discrimination I push the thought out since I trust my boss not to.
Hello Anonymous,
Thank you for sharing this with us. My heart goes out to you. I can well imagine how this must feel. The situation seems extremely unfair.
Ideally, your boss should be helping you learn and find support around you among your co-workers. Is there any chance that sitting down with your boss for an honest talk might help? You can let him know you want to learn and do well. And you can even set goals together to show your progress. Of course, from what you describe this may not help, but I mention it in case you think it’s worth trying.
I really hope it’s not discrimination. Some jobs take a while to trust a newcomer, no matter who they are. Are there any people who might be open to at least opening the door even a little to being an ally? That can start with just being friendly without asking for any help and then see where it might grow.
Also, some jobs just take time, and you can make it a personal goal to learn a little yourself each time, no matter what people say. Otherwise, are you able to transfer again if this doesn’t work? It’s good to have a backup plan in place just in case. 🙂
Please let us know how you’re doing. I wish you much luck! ~ Ronnie Ann
Thank you so much for these words .I was and still a victime of my ex boss dirty politics and i have already changed my position but i am still under his orders.
I cry and look sad in the company because i feel like i am useless while some workers being valued. I tried To improve my skills and i did but he still doesnt believe in me and select others for work missions ..I am losing hope and i dont know how To get up again ..I even lost Weight and look faded .
Hi Yasmine!
I am so sorry you are going through this. Especially after you changed positions. Too bad you can’t move to another job at the same company not under his control. You deserve much better than this!!
It’s always good to first try to change things for yourself, which you have done. But if you’ve spoken to your former boss and / or new supervisor and they are not able to provide some hope for ways for you to improve your conditions there, sometimes there is no other choice but to start to look elsewhere. And any new skills you’ve learned can add nicely to your resume.
May I ask if there is a reason you can’t look elsewhere? Sometimes simply making the decision to move on — as long as it takes — can change your mood because you are putting the power back in your own hands. Your health is too important to leave in their hands. 🙂
Feel free to explain here what you would need to get yourself to a job where you are treated with respect — as you deserve. Even if you have to reach out to friends, family, former schoolmates, former coworkers, or find some local networking group, create some new volunteer credentials, or go back to school if possible / useful, etc. — there is always a way to bring positive change.
I wish you the best of luck, Yasmine! ~ Ronnie Ann
By the way … if for any reason you can’t leave this job anytime soon, and nothing you do gets you treated better by this boss (some bosses get stuck in their own version of reality), then your best bet is to take charge in the one way you can. You do whatever possible to help make the work environment a little better for yourself. This can help you feel better mentally & physically in the meantime.
Nurture relationships with coworker(s) who will see the good qualities you have. You might start by offering to help them with no expectations back. Just being nice. After a while, relationships can form.
Also, there is one more relationship that is the most important of all — the one you have with yourself.
Just keep doing your very best and make sure you truly recognize that in your heart. If we work with idiots or bullies — or people who are too cold or inflexible to see the gifts in others — we have to at least make sure we give ourselves credit for dealing with a tough situation. If they don’t get it, don’t let their opinions eat at you.
Also … it helps to spend some time strengthening ourselves. Exercise. Meditation. Eating well. Remembering to reward yourself with things you enjoy. Again, it’s about you taking charge of the things you CAN control.
You have lots to offer, Yasmine. We all do. I just hope you can eventually get yourself to a place that maybe is a better fit and recognizes your true value!
~ Ronnie Ann